Eat me

Prompted by all the fellas commenting on my SG journal about how they fit my description of what I want in a man (At least 32, tall, dark eyed, dark haired and can fuck worth a damn), I wanted to talk about oral sex.

Again.

God, all this blog is ever about is dick and pussy, dick and pussy! Fucking perverts.

All those men boasting basically that they’re hot and good in the sack got me thinking about the last time I got some good head. Every man says he’s good at it.

By the way, barf, don’t say that shit to me on a date. “I’m so good at eating pussy” in the middle of a round of drinks on the first date is not cool.

This from the girl who talks about animal porn, anal sex and midget fucking on a first date, I know. But bragging about something sexually on a first date grosses me out. Like if you said, “I am so good at anally raping clowns. I rule that shit.”, that would gross me out way more than “So what do you think about anally raping clowns?”.

What if on a first date I said, “Well, yeah I love to read the great works but what I am hands down amazing at is sucking cock. I suck a mean dick!”

Okay, obviously some dudes would be super into that…..

To me, as a lady, I find it irritating that you would boast of your cunnilingus  skills not only because it makes you look like a pompous ass but also because:

-You’re probably actually terrible at it.

-Men who are amazing at giving head rarely tell you so, they sneak up like a vag eating ninja and blow your mind.

I don’t even remember the last time I got good head.  I know I was flabbergasted by the amount of terrible blowjobs men receive so god knows why I was surprised that I can’t remember the last time anyone could do something magic with his tongue.

When a man can’t kiss it’s a sure sign he won’t know what the hell to do with a vagina. That should have knocked the Vegan out of the running right away.

I can live without amazing head as long as the sex is stellar. I wonder if I will ever be amazed by someone’s skills again? I think it’s been 8 years or so…well with one in between, an ex who magically learned to give amazing head after we broke up but that I got to enjoy once or twice anyway.

Ladies, when was the last time you got any decent head?

[Via http://sweetbirdofmischief.wordpress.com]

Amateur Teen

[Via http://yourpron.wordpress.com]

Vera Vision Sneak Peek--In the Kitch III

Getting eaten out is always a good thing. When someone does it great, it’s fantastic. But when Kyle added peanut butter into the mix, Tanya was in fucking orgasmic heaven.

Kyle began spreading the peanut butter all over Tanya’s pussy and clit, applying a generous amount to her heat. After he was done, he just stared at his creation. Beautiful and delicious, he thought. Kyle always enjoyed eating pussy. To him, it was a delicacy. Something about a woman’s aroma and exquisite flavor was enough to bring him to his knees each and every time. He was, in some aspect, a connoisseur of pussy. He didn’t pride himself on dating different women to achieve his goal. But he prided himself of sexually pleasing the women he was with. Nothing was taboo and every option was considered, if not tried at least once.

There was a reason why every month he would get several calls from previous flames asking if he was available for dinner. And it wasn’t just for the company.

[Via http://veraroberts.wordpress.com]

Peeing, the urgency and erotica thereof

Well, here goes another one of those “old” stories; well sort of.  I have a friend that has always loved the idea of people needing to pee.  Years ago I didn’ t really understand it, but now I totally understand and have my own spin now.

My friends’ delight is the urgency of someone having to pee and not being able to relieve themself.  Now, through the years I have noticed that whenever I have to pee if I wait, after a while I can feel my pussy start to just be so hot.  My pussy throbs at the thought of getting fucked or having sex and especially the thought of an orgasm.  I almost feel like I’m on the verge of an orgasm when I have to pee so bad.

What is funny is that at times when I am out and have to pee, I sometimes call this friend and tell them how bad I’ve got to pee.  Tonight was one of those nights except that I didn’t do it intentionally.  I was talking to my friend and was running errands and had to pee.  Without thinking I said, “ghaaaa, I’ve got to pee so bad!”, and they said, “hmmmm”.  As soon as I said it I remembered how much my friend enjoys hearing about someone needing to pee.  I guess I was a little turned on because they were turned on.  I planned on running in the class six store to pee, but never did.  So, off I went and was actually going to stop by their house to pee when I got a call to go do something else.

So, here I am in my car driving around doing errands and STILL needing to pee!  Well, I called my friend again because we had not finished our conversation from before.  Of course as we were talking again I said, “ghaaa, I gotta pee so bad!!!” then I burst out laughing because really it was hysterical, not only because she enjoys the thought of someone having to pee but the fact that now it was nearly 30 minutes later and I still had not pee’d and I was telling her about it, knowing how much she likes to know someone is suffering and needing to pee.

Well, we kept on talking and it was so funny!  Funny as I kept on saying, “I GOTTA PEE!” but we were enjoying our conversation, but I had to run into this other store now and needed to pee even worse than I did initially.  So, I ran in the store and back out, called her again and told her some more stuff I’ll tell you in a minute.  I went into the store and told the clerk what had happened and what I needed for him to do and he told me it didn’t matter if he gave me another video it would skip the same way as the original dvd did because something was wrong with the dvd player, well I didn’t buy that but didn’t want to argue either.  There were three more people behind me.  So, I just begged the guy,  ( I am not above groveling) pleeeeaaase? I begged.  Please just give me another one?  Can’t you just humor me I asked him.  Reluctantly he gave me another dvd and I left.  Another ten minutes later.

I immediately called my friend and we started our conversation again.  Well, by this time I had to pee so bad and my pussy was really throbbing.  Throbbing in a good way, throbbing in an orgasmic way.  I didn’t get off but I told her I could understand I guess why people enjoy the thought of someone else having to pee real bad.  I guess it’s because if you are a pee connoisseur then you know that the urgency to pee for girls and I know for guys is very sexual and sensuous.

One more thing, after our conversation my friend sent me this link to a trailer of a movie about the urgency of peeing and girls.  I like the one of the girls but I’d like to see guys in this same situation.  I guess I’ll ask her to find one of guys soon.

Here is the link, please watch the clip and come back to comment if you will; pleeeeaaaassse?

http://www.livevideo.com/video/2EB8D8F112BF43B09607ECF91ACBA87B/female-desperation-video-6-.aspx

I love it when my husband has to pee in the morning when he wakes up because he has the biggest hard on.  Sometimes I fuck him good when he’s like that.  He says he loves my pussy in the morning because it’s good and hot after being under the covers all night and it just burns his dick my pussy is so hot.

[Via http://xmemore.wordpress.com]

So Horny

So I am so fucking horny. I masturbated 5 times yesterday!! I need dick and I need it bad. I need this skin irritation I have to go away so I can get naked and get cocks shoved in my holes. I need big cocks stretching my pussy, making my mouth strain to get around it, and a smaller cock and an experienced man to get my ass open. I’m dying to get a cock in my ass, but I realize it has to be done with some finesse and some time will have to be taken to properly get it ready for a cock.

I’m watching this chick take cocks in all her holes at once. I so want to be that woman. I need cock. Lots of cock. Big cock. Black cock. White Cock. Cock. I want to fuck.

[Via http://cockwhore.wordpress.com]

Pee Asian

http://wp.me/pOl2p-1n

Please don’t forget to leave a comment for this post. Thanks! 请您别 忘对此帖留个评论。谢谢！

[Via http://blues999.wordpress.com]

Porn Actress Kagney Linn Karter – sexy boobs and tits

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Who's Giving the Spanking?

Happy birthday, minions. Exactly one year ago, Randominatrix landed on the Internet, leaving a cavernous crater like your mother’s twat (minus the grease). Since then, I have dutifully filled that gap with the chafed boner of inappropriate humor. And all the while you’ve been waiting for something of substance. Psych!

In exchange for your unending fealty, I will reward you by opening the extravagant, chocolate-covered gifts with which you have showered me. Then I’ll eat them, nipples and all. I will allow you to put on shows of extreme depravity for my amusement. And we can all have cheesecake. The marbled kind with chocolate sauce poured over it in a little zigzag.

On his historic occasion, I’m feeling some kind of compassion-like-substance sitting low in my gut. So I’ve decided to hand out one of my precious, obnoxious bears to one lucky reader. All you have to do to receive your bear is sacrifice all the other readers to satan, drink their delicious fluids and speak in tongues. Then write down the message you’ve received, decode it (it’s usually just backwards or in Swahili), e-mail it to me and yield all copyrights so I can use it in a YouTube video.

Or just send me a message with the three things that piss you off the most. If I don’t agree with your choices, I will promptly rape your e-mail and throw its broken body into the dumpster behind the Dippin’ Dots. But if I find your choices humorous, enraging or interesting, it will be tossed into the Jock Strap of Wonder. I will randomly select a good entry from the fabled groin harness on March 11th.

If your list is “religion, children, religion, children, religion,” I will find your parents, tear out your mother’s vagina and use it to strangle your father’s cock. Be a little creative. Use a full sentence to explain what, specifically, boils your testicles. And don’t give me any dangling fucking participles. Put a little work into it.

Just don’t lose sight of the reason for the season: me. I’ve been heaping my anger upon your shoulders for a year now, at a rate of two posts a week. And you bastards haven’t paid me one red cent. Pussy doesn’t count. I think it’s only fitting that you all send me $50 to cover the cost of my free hosting through WordPress. I accept PayPal.

[Via http://randominatrix.wordpress.com]

Ladies Get Vagazzled!

 

Jennifer Love Hewitt.. The FINEST white bitch.. explains Vagazzling!

So here’s the new fad… if you’re trynna spice up your sex life,  if you’re lookin for that something special to bring a spark to your loving, or if you just wanna outshine the rest.. get Vagazzled! Vagazzling is a process where women beautify their intimate areas with czrystles so that they look like princesses all over. Supposedly the crystles are place in an intricate design around the labia.. SO guys, don’t worry about extra irritation or friction. I’m not sure if  I’d really go for a Vagazzler, but i would definitely like to try it out once. Hey, at least it give us a lil something extra to look at. I aslo heard there is hair dye for “down there” so ladies.. get creative!

[Via http://wessup.wordpress.com]