Saturday, September 12, 2009

But are you the matriarch to an outlaw scooter club?

You know how there are those times when you like a really good TV show and the person you love likes a truly awful TV show? Well, I recently had one of those moments. Tom and I like most of the same shows. Basically, shows that are funny. However, Tom likes EVERY show on the DIY network and I am not a fan. He also likes any show EVER made about Alaska. Alaska. I don’t even know what I would DO in Alaska. I’m really worried that he’s trying to plan a trip there. We’re going to Oregon for a family reunion next year. What if he wants to just zip on up to Alaska and haul over some ice roads? I’m not ready for that. Honestly, I don’t think Tom’s ready for that either, no matter how much TV studying he does.

I don’t care what you say. This look does not say “Holly Fabulous.” End of story ICE ROADS.

Tom’s other favorite show that I can’t get into is Sons of Anarchy on FX. It’s a show about the lives of a close-knit outlaw motorcycle club. Swoon. Notice that the description doesn’t say “a comedy about the misadventures and pitfalls of a close-knit, bumbling outlaw motorcycle club.” That would just be too awesome. The show does have one saving grace, the matriarch of the group, Gemma, played by Katey Sagal, who will forever be known to me as Peggy Bundy. Gemma, however, differs from Peg in that she would never be married to a shoe salesman, her son seems to have an active sex life with real women, and Gemma will knock a ho upside the head with a skateboard if that’s what it comes down to. Both characters have really awesome hair, though.

Gemma Teller Morrow. Abilities include planning, scheming, manipulating, and having cool hair. Basically my hero.

Even though Gemma is the HBIC of a gang that primarily makes money by illegally importing weapons and selling them to drug gangs, she doesn’t let that interfere with her softer side. She’s a really caring grandmother to her new bey-bey grandson. In fact, in just the last episode when the doctor suggested she try a soy formula to help with the baby’s digestive issues, Gemma very practically, yet caringly, responded that she didn’t want to turn him into a “vegan pussy.” Gah. Doesn’t that doctor know anything? Vegans and outlaw motorcycle gang members just don’t mix! Everybody knows that.

Even though this show has the potential to be a really good influence on my hair, it’s proving to be a really bad influence on Tom. He actually asked me if he could start a bike gang. Of course I said yes, because how cool would it be to see Tom and the gang donning their khakis and setting out to do something really shady, like drink Mountain Dews in a Texaco parking lot? So we went through a list of his friends who could join his gang. There were a few we decided would need to be relegated to side cars because we’re not sure they have the experience or the street cred to ride their own bikes.

Y’all be back by dinner!

Tom told me they were going to meet in the basement, for pep rallies before rides I guess, and that I should STAY OUT because they were going to be doing really dangerous things like punching each other. Dear God, I foresee someone breaking a hip at their first meeting. My suggestion is that they focus their efforts on being a really fierce Vespa gang. Everyone can have their own Vespa, they can sticker up some awesome helmets or make cool leatherish vests, and call themselves The Shui Fengs. Ya know, like they’re really gonna get in people’s spaces. I think this has real potential. We decided that Gavin has to wait until he’s 10 to join the scooter gang though. That just seems like good parenting.

Where's purple? Dang it! Whose week was it to coordinate our line up at the pier?

[Via http://nakedinthefastlane.wordpress.com]

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