Sunday, September 6, 2009

Things I Have Found Myself Saying To Lisa On Her Vacation

By Gay Cousin Ted(dy), In no patricular order:

  1. I don’t think we should go to the Hop Leaf as it’s Midnight and we need to be on the road at 6am.
  2. I don’t care what your crazy theories are, Michigan is in the eastern standard time zone.
  3. Lunchables are not tailgating food.
  4. No, I don’t think the McDonalds appear “more friendly” here.
  5. Subsequently, I’m pretty sure the hash browns taste the same.
  6. No, we’re not stopping in Gary, Indiana to sightsee.
  7. Yes, we’re stopping in Kalamazoo, Michigan to sightsee.
  8. If me and Matt want to listen to the entire Britney Spears album you’re going to just have to shut the f up and deal with it.
  9. It would take to long to explain football to you, but I’m really glad we had this conversation.
  10. If Rachel happens to ask, Chicago is indeed closer to New Orleans than New York is. Though, I still think Abita beer tastes the same in either city.
  11. I still don’t understand relationship biscuits but the equivalent in my life might be a big bag of relationship sausages.
  12. I’ll say the word pussy as many damn times as I want to.
  13. We seem to fight a lot in Chicago and Queens but not as much in Brooklyn and Ann Arbor.
  14. Stop apologizing for eating the food at the tailgate we were invited to.
  15. Please don’t walk into church and say “even the churches in chicago are nicer.”
  16. When people come to you to shake your hand during the sign of peace, please don’t start crying.
  17. Did you just perform cunnilingus on the jam?
  18. No, you can’t have anymore jam.
  19. Brick House Pizza is different than Chicago Deep Dish Pizza
  20. Don’t ever ask ask me to not repeat a Jason Mraz song. Ever.

[Via http://theslowginfizz.com]

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